Shower is spelt S H O W E R
by Miki Mouse in Blue Jeans
Summary: Rosalie is sick of Jacob and his stupid Blonde jokes. She decides to get him back and what she tells him leaves him speechless. Rosalie POV. Post-Breaking Dawn. Please Review!


A/N: Stupid thing I wanted to write!!! I needed to get away from my other stories and this is what I came up with!!! Enjoy. Rosalie's POV

Disclaimer: No matter which one of my stories you read there is one thing they have in common; a disclaimer. This is the part where I ball my eyes out because I have to type that I Don't Own Twilight!!! Whaaaaaaa Whaaaaaaaa!

It was raining-typically.

We were all on the couches watching some pathetic soap.

"I'm with you on that" Edward murmured I chuckled once.

I looked around the room and one thing caught my eye that stupid mutt was staring at my niece who was sleeping on Bella's knee. His mouth was hanging open like the dick he is and he smelt as bad as ever.

He shut his mouth and looked around the room and saw me looking at him.

"Hey blonde, why is it okay for blondes to catch a cold?" he paused and I just stared at him with wide eyes.

"Because there's no need for them to worry about blowing their brains out!" he said before he cracked up laughing. I was going to get him back and bad. I sighed and walked over to him.

"I'm sorry but I think we started out on the wrong foot. Lets start again. I'm Rosalie but you can call me Rose"

He just looked at me and so did everyone else apart from Alice, who was giggling and Edward who was snickering. They knew where this was going.

"Um, hi I'm Jacob, you can call me Jacob"

I smiled and crouched down to his level.

"You're poor?" I asked.

"Um no" he replied slowly.

"Yes you are," I argued.

"Well yes, relatively, how do you know? Did Bella tell you?" he asked angrily glaring at Bella who was looking with wide eyes back at him.

"Nope"

"Well how do you know then?" he asked.

"Well most people have a house"

"I have one of them"

"Do you?" I asked pretending to be shocked "Well most people have a little thing called a shower and they use it because it makes them not smell bad. Here," I said handing him a piece of paper and pen and said in a voice you would use if you were teaching a four year old, "You can write it down so you don't forget it – wait you can write cant you? A well I'll teach you it starts with an S. S is written like a snake it's all curvy" I drew an S in the air with my finger. "Then it's a H, an H is like a bridge with a long stalk to the left side" I drew an H in midair. "Then there's the O an O is a circle." I drew the O in the air. "Now comes a W" I drew a W in the air "Its like a upside-down squiggle only with straight lines. Now's the E it's the hardest one out of all the letters in this word it goes like this" I drew an E in the air "And finally the R it's kind of like the H except it's got a shorter stalk and it's upside down oh and it doesn't go that far around actually its hardly anything like the H so just forget what I said it looks like this" I drew an R in the air then said "So I'd suggest getting one because as I said they make you smell better. And you should tell all your friends to get one too, they smell like you; terrible"

He was speechless. I looked at the paper in his hands it was blank. "Oh joy! Don't tell me I'll have to explain how to write shower again. You know you probably wouldn't be able to afford a shower I'll get you some soap and you can go outside and stand in the rain. That should get some of the smell out"

His mouth was hanging open like the total dick he was. Honestly I have no idea how on earth Bella could spend the day with this dick.

"Me either" I heard Edward agree.

"I have a shower," Jacob said quietly.

I gasped, "You do? Oh, but you don't use it do you?"

Again he just looked at me "No I didn't think so" I said as I stood up and started to walk away but turned back to Jacob and said "You really should use it sometime it maybe good for you… and you wouldn't want it to get rusty" I turned back and walked away singing at the top of my lungs 'Who let the dogs out?' but I replaced the out with an in.

I heard the room erupt with the laughter of Emmett, Jasper, Edward, Alice and a quiet snicker from Bella.

**A/N: This was bugging me so I thought I'd write it. I have nothing against Jacob so Team Jacob don't hate me!!!! Tell me what you think!!! Oh and if you were wondering she was teaching him how to write those letters in lower-case! Thanks for reading!!!**

**Xox,**

**Mikaela!!!**


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